Apparently Chris Brown will do anything to get you thinking about — and unwittingly staring at — his dick. In a tweet last night, the notorious abuser posted a picture of himself wearing an all lycra number known as a zentai suit. With his schlong carefully outlined in the best and most flattering lighting, he accompanied the tweet with this statement:
“I don’t think I can wear this costume tonight! Gonna change!”
Well thank God for that, because no one wants to see your offensive penis EXCEPT THAT NOW IT’S TOO LATE.
Anyway, it’s curious to note that zentai suit wearers have very particular reasons for dressing up in what is essentially fetish wear. According to an article in the Daily Beast, zentai enthusiasts listed the following reasons for donning the suit:
- It smoothed out all the imperfections.
- It’s like a portable safety blanket, like you’re pulling the sheets up over your head.
- [It’s like] an all-over hug.
Awww. If I gave a shit about Chris Brown’s feelings, I might be inclined to wonder whether he was feeling a bit hated by the world, maybe somewhat self-critical, even, and I might think that perhaps his seemingly innocusous zentai tweet was really a cry for help to let the public know that at the end of the day, he just wants to be loved.
But I don’t give a shit about Chris Brown’s feelings. So, Chris Brown, keep your dick covered up next Halloween. For everyone’s sake.