honey boo booWell on top of being the most talked about American at the moment, Honey Boo Boo also has a large size crush to match her gigantic personality. Who? Justin fucking Bieber. Why am I reporting this? Because we need further proof the world is fucked.

Yes, I get that Honey Boo Boo is a tyke and tykes like to indulge in fantasy crushes, but last I checked, kids that age didn’t have crushes. Am I old school? Am I delusional?  Yes, my first crush was Adam in pre-school, but that was only because he looked JUST. LIKE. ME. You know, standards and all. That shit comes into play way before you’re old enough to realize it should. I also had a thing for Elvis Costello.

Despite what my colleague Sam had to say on the matter, I’m with Adam Levine on this topic. I’m also especially with him now, because, girl, this is your “celebrity crush?” What about — oh, I don’t know — someone with an obvious brain, like the dude who plays Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliff? Can’t we live in society that fosters crushes in our young daughters that at least adheres to something other than some kid with bad hair and even worse pants?

Like I said, the world is fucked. But we knew that. And I just wrote about Honey Boo Boo’s crush because I want her aspirations to be higher. But I’m not her mom, I don’t even know her, and as far as I’m concerned Adam Levine and I are on the same page. F. Scott Fitzgerald, now there’s a proper crush. He may be dead, but he was one hell of person over which to swoon.

Photo: TLC