There are some things that, as a modern woman, you know to watch out for upon showing up at a given soiree. We’re all careful not to fall down the stairs, for instance, thanks to Tai in Clueless (although that was mid-party). But there are other ways to fuck up an entrance — and here they are, lest you make the same mistakes we did find out the hard way.

  1. Be ready to get out of your car when you pull up to the valet. No, not every party has a valet. But some do, and those are the very ones the entrances to which you do not want to make a mess of. So when you roll up to the valet, do not, for instance, ask if you are in the right place, then assure the valet that you’ll be right back, drive away, park around the corner to put on your make-up, then come back 15 minutes later.
  2. Check your guests before you…wreck your guests…Be careful who you bring to which party. Or, at the very least, if you have friends who you are sure will be embarrassments, prep them for what they are about to witness so that when they inevitably humiliate you, you can at least say you tried. For instance, if you are attending an anti-Prop 8 function, do not bring that one friend who thinks it’s hilarious to drop the f-bomb, loudly, upon walking through the door.
  3. Don’t be already drunk. Unless it’s the after-party, and everyone else is drunk too and so will not realize that you’re drunk, make sure that you stop at, say, 1/2 a bottle of wine for your pre-party. Try to stay away from, for example, shooting tequila alone in your studio apartment, then hailing a cab, then showing up at a party, stumbling in, shrieking, and finally, flashing the garden. Being already drunk also puts you at risk for some other, more classic faux pas such as falling down, puking, or having sex with a stranger within the first five minutes of arriving.