It’s one thing to listen, but it’s another thing to actually hear. I know there have been times in my life where I have tuned out what others were saying simply because I didn’t care. But I think that’s far different than those who engage in conversation only to spend the whole time not hearing you because they’re just waiting for it to be their turn to talk again.

A friend of mine, whom I’ve had since before moving to the city, came over recently. I already knew this particular person to be the type to repeat the same stories over and over every time you see her, but instead of pointing it out and watching her get defensive I’ve learned it’s just easier to shut up. I’ve also learned that she always has about 10 stories filed on revolving circulation, so if you go about a month without seeing her, you’ll get a new crop of tales.

So there we are chatting away and she says something to me that made me realize that she actually has no idea who I am. She clearly doesn’t hear me at all. I’m not going to mention what she said to me to make me have this realization so she doesn’t feel weird when I see her in a month for a new crop of stories, but I will say it wasn’t very far off from saying “I never knew your last name was Chatel!”

It was a fact so obvious about me that even most of you (as in, our dedicated readers) would know it, so for this friend, a friend who is supposedly “so close” to me to not know something so inherently basic about who I am, made me realize she really has never heard me. But the thing is I’m not going to stand for half-ass friendships anymore! I’m re-evaluating my relationships with people. “You’re either in or you’re out,” to quote the great Heidi Klum.

Here are six ways to deal with those who just don’t fucking hear you (or themselves for that matter, or else they wouldn’t be on constant repeat.) Broken records are a bitch, that’s why you usually throw them out.


Photo: NYLifeCoaching