So, I’ve come to terms with the fact that at 18, college freshmen are a full 13 years younger than me. (Actually, I haven’t come to terms with that — I just figured it out as I was typing and now I’m panicking. Hopefully I’ll come to terms with it soon.)

But what’s even more shocking is this post, in which a writer at College Candy expounds upon items that she considers old and outdated. This is shocking in no small part because I am sitting right next to one of those items even as we speak: a land line.

Here is a sampling of her list, accompanied by my thoughts (it’s your lucky day):

Landline telephones. As mentioned, I’m sitting next to a landline telephone right now. For the record, children, back in the day we actually didn’t even have to use the disclaimer “landline.” It was just “the phone.”

Pagers. Pagers! Pagers are still new! You plug in “911” if you need your boyfriend to call you back. There is no OMG or LOL because, you know, it only displays numbers.

Typewriters. Fair. This one is fair.

Walkman. Sweet Jesus. Here’s what College Candy has to say about walkmen, the portable music device of my youth: “The Sony Walkman not only played cassettes, but also had the option to switch to the radio. On the same device. Both AM and FM!”

Oh, haha, college student, I can’t wait until you’re 31 and the iPad975 is confounding you, and your old ass remembers the day the first iteration was released.

Snail mail. I call bullshit on this one. If mail were really that outdated, post offices and stamps and envelopes would have gone the way of the typewriter: stacked in some hipster’s apartment as ironic yet poignant relics to indicate the tenant’s profound comprehension of times gone by. (Which I assume will happen someday, but until then…I’m clinging to the relevancy of my stamps, goddammit).

News media. College Candy says: “Your parents never had the option to refresh their morning newspapers. They also had to be watching a television during primetime to catch the latest news or a find radio with reception in order to get ‘in the know’…” …FINE.