You probably can’t be a beautiful unicorn creature like Charlie Sheen. Nonetheless, Jen Dziura came up with a brilliant Mad Lib for you all to participate in.

From WashPo: Post-Oscars, Charlie Sheen told ABC News:

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

If you were a drug, why would you not be available and what would you do to people? Fill in the blanks:

“I am on a drug. It’s called _____________. It’s not available because if you try it once, ________________ and ________________.”

“I am on a drug. It’s called Jen Dziura. It’s not available because if you try it once, you will develop a death-glare that makes incompetent people feel bad about themselves. You will explode with righteous fury and also grow a sparkly unicorn horn.”

“I am on a drug. It’s called Ashley Cardiff. It’s not available because if you try it once, you will become reclusive and foul tempered.”

“I am on a drug. It’s called Jennifer Wright. It’s not available because if you try it once you will become ‘you know what I love? Argyle.'”

“I am on a drug. It’s called Lucia Peters. It’s not available because if you try it once you will end up with radiation in your pants.”