Fans of overproduced music, rejoice! Lana Del Rey is repackaging her album Born To Die as a special edition–The Paradise Edition, to be exact–with eight new tracks and presumably dozens more mixed metaphors, allusions to drugs/glamour/Hollywood/fast cars/dying young, and themes that do little to indicate she has actually read Lolita. As part of the promo, she’s released this video with more faux-fi “Video Games”-y footage of her idly miming to the new batch of songs.

And what songs they are! At approximately the :50 mark, enjoy her latest poetry…


If you didn’t hear that or can’t watch the video, you missed her mouthing, “My pussy tastes like Pepsi Cola / My eyes are wide like cherry pie / I gots a taste for men who are older / It’s always been so, it’s not surprising.” Let’s just preempt you LDR fans who haunt the comment threads and will inevitably call us fat/stupid/jealous/not famous/ugly for bagging on Lana: horrible lyricists with derivative personas who shill for car companies… are the one place we do not aim our bottomless, craven jealousy.

Also, if you don’t understand what’s lame and awful about a grown woman cooing, “I gots a taste for men who are older,” here’s a helpful instructional via NBC’s Community.


(via The Hairpin)