Shailene Woodley is probably not hot enough to be Spiderman’s girlfriend because he’s not a real person and no amount of hotness could will him into being.
Yesterday, Cinemablend ran some pictures from the set of the new Spiderman movie, where Shailene Woodley is playing Mary Jane. And we all thought “there is another Spiderman movie? How is there one every year?”
And other people thought other things. Basically, they were outraged by Woodley’s lack of hotness. Because they are absolutely, utterly insane. As if they were gripping sanity tightly with both hands, and then, slowly, almost beautifully, they let it go entirely. They don’t even see what you or I see. To them, this page does not have words on it, it has a teeming multitude of snakes.
I can tell, because they have said:
“Omg she looks horrible I hope they can do something with that face of hers.”
“Mary Jane is supposed to be hot.”
“Looks horrible as a redhead.”
I have deciphered their hidden, coded messages. They are trying to say:
“I am saddened by the way women are not cartoon characters. Why aren’t they all fembots? Why do they have proportions?”
“I hate the way movie stars are still human beings”
“I will never date a real live woman”
“My superpower is being alone forever.”
Hang in there in your nightmareworld, guys.
Picture via Wikipedia