joe biden costco

You do, because every single thing Vice President Joe Biden bought when he attended the opening of a new Costco in the Washington D.C. area was either patriotic or adorable.

According to The Huffington Post:

Among the items Biden purchased: Children’s books, fire logs, a 32 inch Panasonic TV and an apple pie.

Oh my God, he is going to build a fire and read books to his grandchildren, and then they are going to watch some classic movies and eat apple pie and this is the best. This is America. Do you think he wondered to himself if he was pushing it too far into the realm of “kindly grandfather” cliches with the apple pie? I’d like to think he considered that, and then said, “fuck it, I’m going for it.”

However, he refused to be lured into the tire department, saying “hey man, I don’t need tires, I don’t drive anymore” but he did consider a $1,200 watch.

And yes, he had his own Costco membership. He told The Washington Post:

“In all honesty, I didn’t have my own card, Jill wouldn’t let me have one,” he told reporters. “I went to get my wife’s card, and she said, ‘No, no, no, you get your own card.’”

Get that man a Costco card to go with his apple pie, Jill.

Picture via Seskim /