Remember when Taylor Swift was criticized for writing mean songs about her exes, and she was all like, “they can write songs about me too, if they want to, BRING IT THE FUCK ON”? Now, famed Taylor Swift tormentor/adult contemporary bad boy John Mayer has finally picked up the gauntlet she left lying there those many months ago and responded the only way he knows how: with a revenge song as gentle as the breeze caressing your bodily wonderland. It is called “Paper Doll.”
Because he really wants you to pay attention to the words, he made a lyric video starring the Prancercise lady (a.k.a. Joanna Rohrback), so you can sing along:
If you can tear yourself away from this awesome woman’s mesmerizing, horselike movements for long enough to read words, you will see that the song contains many references to Taylor Swift, not the least of which is contained in the chorus:
“You’re like 22 girls in one / And none of them know what they’re running from / Was it just too far to fall for a little paper doll?”
This is a callback to Taylor’s song “22,” you see, as well as this line in her song “Dear John,” which is about John Mayer: “All the girls that you run dry have tired lifeless eyes cause you burned them out.”
He also responds to her lyric “you paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain” with a lyric of his own, namely: “someone’s gonna paint you another sky.” A regular Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes, these two! Only crossed with musical battle bots Nicki Minaj and Lil’ Kim, crossed with Mumford and Sons, and then crossed once more with a single white doily languishing in the cold Connecticut rain.
Will Taylor Swift “fire back,” as they say, with an even more preciously wounded song and video? Will it just be five minutes of her making sad kitten eyes into the camera? Will this video “go viral,” as they say, or will Mayer’s obvious desire for virality backfire, making him look like even more of a douchenozzle than before? Find out next time, on The Famous People Write Songs About Other Famous People Show.