Pirates of the Caribbean via Fanpop.com

Pirates of the Caribbean via Fanpop.com

There is a general consensus that Johnny Depp is an attractive person, despite putting in a considerable amount of effort to look like a greasy weirdo that never sees the sun. He makes the blondest sorority girls swoon for man jewelry and eyeliner, and the fact that he can still play a sex symbol after being the unquestioned poster child for Tim Burton freaky-deakydom really says something about his range. His most iconic roles, from Captain Jack Sparrow and Edward Scissorhands to Crybaby, all sport hairstyles full of grease and crazy. But Johnny Depp runs a pretty strange hair game in real life, too.

In the face of overwhelming evidence— tinted glasses, neck beard, greasy bangs, fedoras— Johnny Depp is still a sexy dude. He landed Winona Ryder, Kate Moss, Vanessa Paradis, and noted babe Amber Heard. With these hilariously bad haircuts. If that doesn’t prove the man has sex appeal, I don’t know what does.

A look back at the good, the bad, and the blonde of JD’s WTF hair.

The 2 Kewl Dad 


If he spent half the time plucking the white hairs out of his creepstache that he spent gelling his hair, this look might work.

The Gilbert Grape

WTF because who looks this majestic with locks this long? One of the few times Johnny Depp rocked the same style for a role and in real life. And he still became a sex symbol.

He’s like a young, greasy Simba.

The Center Parted Zoolander

Sweeney Todd premiere, 2007. photo: Getty

Sweeney Todd premiere, 2007. photo: Getty

There is only one man that can pull off the center part, and that was Leonardo Dicaprio in Romeo + Juliet. No one else. Ever.

The Cruella Deville

photo: Getty

Blow premiere, 2001. photo: Getty

This what happens when you abuse Sun-In and fall asleep on your side. And think shampoo is a ploy by Big Pharma.

The Cruella ala Mode

'Chocolat' premiere

Chocolate premier, 2000. photo: Getty

Is the hat deliberately crooked? Were soul patches sexy in 2000? Is Rogue his favorite X Men character? So many questions.

The Tousled Trendsetter

photo: Getty

2003. photo: Getty

You can almost see him gazing into the future, realizing Pharrel is totally going to cop his style.

The 1999 Thirteen Year Old

photo: Getty

Emmy Awards, 2004. photo: Getty Images

Remember when Mariah Carey was popular, and you’d pull two pieces out of your ponytail, coat them in gel, and feel like the hottest bitch in school? JD did it too, in 2004.

The “I Woke Up Like This”

photo: Getty

Sweeney Todd European premier, 2005. photo: Getty

You think it might be a look until you notice the patchy cheek fur.

The Short Hair Magazine Cover

photo: Getty

2008. photo: Getty

If this style is familiar, it’s because you’ve seen it on the frosted tip cover model of your local SuperCuts poster.

The Aaron Samuels

photo: Getty

Public Enemies premiere, 2009. photo: Getty

Doesn’t he look sexy with his hair pushed back? No, no he does not.

The Rodeo

photo: Getty

2010. photo: Getty

Did a stylist arrange the earpieces under the fedora? Or is it just innate at this point?

The Greasy Modelizer

Does it count as WTF if you managed to bang Kate Moss with this style?

The Beanie

See above.

The Something About Mary

Transcendence premier, 2014. photo: Getty

Transcendence premiere, 2014. photo: Getty

I don’t want to know what he used for hair gel.


I have to say that even after compiling this list, I wouldn’t say no to Johnny. Kudos to you, sir, for becoming a major movie star with the hygienic abilities of someone’s weird, hippie brother. I salute you. And your many, many fedoras.