Kate middleton pregnancy fake

Look at the Duchess of Cambridge! Look at Kate Middleton‘s first public appearance at the Sport’s Personality of the Year award, where she is continuing to fake her pregnancy while wearing a lovely Alexander McQueen dress.

Traffic is down a bit this holiday season, so I’ve decided to be a conspiracy nut. Here are signs Kate Middleton’s pregnancy is fake, fake as a Cracker Jack gem. I’ve found some indications that there will be no baby Balthazar (I am still rooting for a Prince Balthazar) from the Duchess of Cambridge’s womb.

1) She is still very slender. Look at how slender she is.

2) If I were a princess/duchess, I would probably fake pregnancies just to get some sleep. This could be one reason I am not a princess/duchess.

3) Greta Garbo would probably do that, too. I bet lots of people would fake a pregnancy for some privacy and relaxation if they were in the public eye all the time.

4) Would you fake a pregnancy to “get away from it all?”

5) Her face doesn’t even look a tiny bit fat.

6) Everyone thought Beyonce was faking her pregnancy and she did appear to be pregnant.

7) If the royal family needed to use a surrogate, I bet they would not tell people about it.

8) I bet that surrogate would face serious consequences if they told.

9) Probably, the surrogate in question would have to make a desperate run for their life after their secret was revealed, even though that seems unnecessary, and, also, Prince William and Kate Middleton really seem like the kind of people who would use infertility as a way to raise awareness about reproductive challenges that couples can face. They actually seem like they would be completely normal and kind of great if Kate had to use a surrogate.

9) I have to go write a conspiracy thriller now, excuse me.

Picture via Wenn.com