Here is the plot of Lady Gaga’s new video for “Yoü And I:” she is a lonely traveler on a road. There is also a torture chamber/barn in which she is a mermaid. A guy inexplicably has sex with this mermaid (what is anatomy?). She then plays a drag king who makes out with herself in a cornfield over a piano and she also loves Nebraska something something Children of the Corn with higher fashion and shittier music.

Also. I haven’t seen an umlaut this pointless since Mötley Crüe and Motörhead sipped Goldschläger while discussing their favorite works by the Brontë sisters. Which actually sounds a lot more interesting than watching this.

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