Who caught Lindsay Lohan on Saturday Night Live last night? As expected, she made fun of herself and her troubled past because honestly, how could she not? And for some reason Jon Hamm made an appearance or two and had most of us asking “Why, Jon, why? Who wants to make a guest appearance when LiLo is holding court?” Yes, we get that Mad Men will be back in our lives in just a few weeks, but still.

But let’s talk about how Lindsay looked during her monologue, shall we? First of all, the color of her dress was a lovely blue and had she’d been smart enough to go back to her original hair color instead of that bleached mop of madness on her head, it might have been quite complementary. The dress was modest considering her usual choice in clothing and her recent photo shoot with Uncle Terry that consisted of a nip-slip. Speaking of nipples, is it just me, or did anyone else sort of see her nipples through her dress, too? Perhaps it was just a nightmare, or maybe I was drunk? And why are her boobs so saggy? Does she not own a bra? Her tits were practically down to her waist! I have more than a few years on her and a far larger rack and yet my breasts have not been so heartlessly manhandled by gravity as hers have been!

And let’s not even get into that puffy face situation that’s probably a combination of face fillers and the delightful side effects of drinking too much of the sauce. Maybe I’m being too harsh?

While there were a few funny moments during the show, and the occasional wigs they had her in reminded us of how LiLo looked before she had a run-in with some peroxide, personally, I think she looked haggard. I also think she appeared to be trying too hard to prove to us that she’s gone straight. I feel like we should be placing bets as to when she’ll be back in trouble again. Three months? Six months? Next Tuesday? I am a cynical fuck, so maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead.


Update: I was an asshole for snarking on LiLo’s body. As a saggy-boobed gal myself, I didn’t think how it might offend anyone. Boobs are awesome… all boobs. I love boobs.