Instagram is the perfect tool for the casual narcissist among us. Whenever you are feeling down, you just snap a “selfie,” put a cool filter on it, and let the “likes” come rolling in. Hence, it was only a matter of time before the newly attention hungry Madonna of 2013 had Lourdes show her how to use it, with sexy results.

As you can see, the first selfie she posted is of her drinking a dirty martini in a lingerie-type outfit. “Cheers motherfuckers! I’m on Instagram,” she captioned it. You know it’s her because you can see a glimpse of her superstrength arms.

It’s quite possible that Madonna was trying to bite Lady Gaga‘s style by taking a weird picture. However, if Madonna was not, in fact, trying to look like a malevolent water sprite with a tongue made of lasers, she might do well to note one rule of self-portraits: you might think tilting your head intensely downwards will make your eyes look giant and the rest of your face look tiny and cute, but it will not. It will make you look…like that.

The second photo she posted is your classic disingenuous cleavage shot (#4 on my list of the various kinds of self-portraits posted by bloggers):


More like “addicted to showing my boobs,” amirite? The only acceptable caption for a photo like this is “mah bewbs. Let me show u them.”

That said, I’m sure Madonna will get better at Instagram soon, as it’s not like she’s lacking  in raw materials. I look forward to seeing how she incorporates my constructive criticism into future selfies.

(Via NY Daily News)

Photos: Instagram