marykate and olivierOK, guys, this is not a drill: numerous news sources are reporting that Mary-Kate Olsen has just tied the knot with French banker Olivier Sarkozy, half-brother of the former president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy. Unsurprisingly, there are no photos or official statements from either the alleged bride or groom, so we can’t say for certain that the two are now living in martial bliss, but the reports alone are enough to send a lifelong Olsen fan like myself into a total tizzy. Did they? Didn’t they? Is she sure? What did she wear? What did Ashley wear? Did Jesse and the Rippers perform at the reception? So many unanswered questions, so many emotions!

As we all know, sometimes the best way to grapple with your emotions is to act them out. Here to help us Olsen fans express our feelings about the (possible) marriage of Mary-Kate to a man 17 years her senior is Michelle Tanner, the twins’ alter ego during their Full House days. Come, let’s take this journey together, shall we?

When we first heard that Mary-Kate was loved up with Olivier, we were a little surprised.

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But we decided to take the high road, like Danny Tanner always taught us to.

danny and michelle(GIF: Giphy)

However, the relationship started to get serious, and then we weren’t so impressed.

disappointed michelle(GIF: Giphy)

When news of the couple’s engagement broke in February 2014, we tried our best to be happy for Mary-Kate, but it wasn’t easy. Some of us shed tears (or just one. Just one, solitary tear.)

michelle crying(GIF: Giphy)

Eventually, we pulled ourselves together and made a conscious effort to support our girl in her decision.

i good(GIF: Giphy)

When we heard that Mary-Kate and Olivier had reportedly taken the plunge within the past few days, we went running for our laptops, desperate for news.

running gif(GIF: Giphy)

When none came, we were left with nothing but questions. Primarily, what did she wear? Did she design it herself?

dress michelle

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What did she do with her hair and makeup?

michelle hair(GIF: Giphy)

Who caught the bouquet? Was it Ashley, or did little sister Lizzie (AKA Godzilla actress Elizabeth Olsen) body check her out of the way?

steph and dj(GIF: Giphy)

What did they dine on? Geekburgers with cheese?

michelle spaghetti

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And, of course, we couldn’t help but wonder what the future would hold for such a seemingly mismatched couple.

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Honestly, whatever happened to the lengthy engagement? Five years might have been enough to convince us.

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It’s not that we’re trying to be rude, we just really want the best for the Olsen twins.

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But part of wanting the best for somebody is being happy for them, even when you’re confused by their decisions.

i did the best i could(GIF: Giphy)

So congratulations, Mary-Kate and Olivier! May your (reported) marriage be full of sentimental moments and tons of laugh tracks.

michelle kisses(GIF: Giphy)

Damn, this whole thing has been exhausting. Where’s John Stamos? We’re gonna need him to hold us for a few hours.

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And maybe kiss us.

jesse kisses michelle(GIF: Giphy)

OK, we feel better now.

dont worry be happy gif(GIF: Giphy)

(Photo: Rob Rich/WENN)