via WENN

Calling all guidos and juiceheads!   Prison isn’t so bad after all.  Allure’s Daily Beauty Reporter just reported that Sergei Telyatnikov, the head of the notorious Russian prison, Butyrka, is planning to install tanning beds in the prison.  Reuters reports that Telyatnikov told a radio station, “We are developing additional medical services … and even sunbeds will be put in place.” Telyatnikov went on to say that inmates will have access to ultrasound machines to “check up on their health,” and that the prison would like to install spa facilities, such as mud baths, in the future.  Additionally, the inmates have access to Skype, to talk with their families and loved ones back home (it’s almost like being on vacation!)  And no, none of this is a joke.

It was reported earlier this year that almost half of the inmates are sick with diseases such as HIV and tuberculosis. The prison came under scrutiny following the death of jailed lawyer Sergei Magnitsky, whose lawyers claimed he wasn’t given proper medical treatments in the prison.  The notoriously overcrowded Moscow prison has housed many notable figures, including Adolf Hitler’s nephew, Heinrich.

News flash, Telyatnikov: tanning beds have no medical benefits and can definitely lead to skin cancer.  While we’re all for adding medical services and improving quality of life for jailed persons, these new additions sound more like part of a GTL regimen than a way to improve prison conditions.

So, the next time you’re arrested for getting into a bar fight, comfort yourself by knowing you will at least avoid the tanning tax.  How’s this for a real sentence: life in jail plus a 75% increased chance of developing melanoma?