This February’s Esquire features one of men’s magazines’ favorite covergirls: Megan Fox, open cardigan and pouty queasy facial expression included! In the accompanying interview, she discusses everything from her sex appeal, why being famous is like being bullied in high school on a “massive scale” and the Book of Revelations. Of course, this Esquire interview wouldn’t be complete without some Megan Fox quotes wherein she gets sassy about other people, would it?

Fox discusses her tattoos, including her plans to having one removed as well as admitting that she’s already in that process with perhaps her most famous piece: the Marilyn Monroe tattoo on the inside of her arm. According to her, this is because she found out more about Monroe and decided she was just not that into her:

“I started reading about her and realized that her life was incredibly difficult. It’s like when you visualize something for your future. I didn’t want to visualize something so negative.

She wasn’t powerful at the time. She was sort of like Lindsay. She was an actress who wasn’t reliable, who almost wasn’t insurable…She had all the potential in the world, and it was squandered. I’m not interested in following those footsteps.”

This feels a little ironic Fox has been in the “LiLo Zone” regarding how well-respected she is in the film industry after reportedly being rude, comparing Michael Bay to Hitler and acting like a general asshole on the set of “Transformers” (i.e. the reason she’s famous).

In any case, I can’t help but roll my eyes that she seemingly did not research on somebody whose face she was getting tattooed on her body beforehand, but c’est la vie. She also gets angry with people who think the lives of the rich and the famous are easy.

“I don’t think people understand. They all think we should shut the fuck up and stop complaining because you live in a big house or you drive a Bentley. So your life must be great.

“What people don’t realize is that fame, whatever your worst experience in high school, when you were being bullied by those 10 kids in high school, fame is that, but on a global scale, where you’re being bullied by millions of people constantly.”

Forgive me for having a difficult time feeling sorry for people who have big houses and Bentleys when there are millions of people who don’t have houses nor cars, let alone multimillion dollars deals and magazine covers. Yes, people are dicks to celebrities in the media, but the media is what has made them celebrities in the first place; if not for magazines, television shows and the Internet, famous folks wouldn’t receive many of the benefits of being, well, famous. When celebrities discuss the troubles of fame, sometimes I genuinely feel sorry for them; being criticized daily sounds pretty terrible, actually. But her tone feels patronizing, obnoxious and completely off-putting, because by “we should all shut the fuck up” she clearly means “you should all shut the fuck up about me.”

Anyway, Fox has had her high points and low points in my eyes (“high” being the fact that she didn’t sell photos of her kid to the press immediately after the cord was cut and “low” being most of her career), but for now, I think she needs to just quiet down and find a better publicist.

Photo: Esquire