The Toaster
Armchair Diagnosis: Martyr complex, pain-seeking behavior, cyclothymic disorder
Representative Quote: “There goes the sun, here comes the night. Somebody turn on the light. Somebody tell me that fate has been kind.”

Armchair Diagnosis: Generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, occasional hallucinations
Representative Quote: “I don’t want to work without the master.”

The Radio
Armchair Diagnosis: Compulsive lying, ADHD, possible bipolar disorder
Representative Quote: “Luckily, my war training included inter-appliance codes. I will simply render the secret appliance knock, and we’ll be welcomed by the native machinery. Stand aside, my meager companion!”

Armchair Diagnosis: Low self-esteem, possible attachment disorder.
Representative Quote: “I remember the first time my bulb burned out. I thought, “That’s it! I’m burnt out! Eighty-sixed! To the showers!” And then the master gave me a brand new bulb… and I just glowed.”

Kirby (the vacuum cleaner)
Armchair Diagnosis: Verbally abusive, emotionally unavailable, inflated sense of superiority, possibly depressed.
Representative Quote: “Just keep your antenneas and knobs and wires and ribbons off my chrome! Who needs you guys, anyway? Gotta drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight! I’d be better off without you!”

The Air Conditioner
Armchair Diagnosis:Extreme paranoia, persecution complex, suicidal tendencies.
Representative Quote: “You think I don’t what’s going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It’s a conspiracy. And every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because you can move around, you think you’re better than I am.”

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