A weird all new edition of Fifty Shades of Grey is flying right at your face, like a tie, or a noose, or whatever other stuff happens in that book that I could never take seriously enough to finish. Just in time for Valentine’s day! I seem equally unlikely to read the new edition of Fifty Shades of Grey as I was with the last version, but, well, I guess some people will. Here is what you are going to find inside it:

According to our friends at the New York Observer:

The hardcover editions of the insanely successful series will include notable extras such as “themed endpapers (ties, masks, handcuffs),” “rough front pages” and “red silk ribbon markers”–making them the perfect collectible Valentine’s Day gift for the serious Fifty Shades fan.

Okay, I think we’re all coming to the same question here, and it is “what the hell are rought front pages?” Are they pages that are going to get all domineering with you if you don’t touch them they way they want to be touched (with gloves, using only your pink finger, like all book pages). I hope so. I hope they form a gang of vigilante pages and begin wearing masks over all their words to protect their identities.

Seriously, I would be much more like to read a book about that than I would be to read this new edition of Fifty Shades of Grey, but that is only because I have impeccable taste.

I don’t know what “themed endpapers” are either.

Picture via Amazon