Remember when “Sex and the City” was on the air — and then again when it was a movie — and it was the hip thing to do to talk about which character you were? And 75% of women thought they were Carries, and the other 25% thought they were Samanthas, and if your friends ever deigned to suggest that you were a Charlotte or a Miranda you had to pretend to be fine with it only to go home and fume?

Why haven’t we don’t that with “Jersey Shore”? It has four girl-women too. So here are your options:

Snooki: You’re the life of the party, and you genuinely love everyone. You are extremely forgiving yet manage not to let anyone take advantage of you. You are the little party nugget with a heart of gold. Despite your somewhat shallow demeanor, in your quiet time alone with yourself, you have a secret passion for expressing yourself through the written word.

JWoww: Your exterior demeanor is tough as nails. You’re loyal to your friends who are loyal to you, but anyone who betrays you will never get back on your good side. You like to go out and have a good time but unlike your hard-partying friends, you rarely get so drunk that you lose control. In fact, you rarely lose control of anything — your figure, your cool, your public image. Only your temper. Underneath it all you’re harboring a lot of residual hurt and anger from when you were teased for being overweight in grade school.

Sammi: You are completely and totally self-destructive in relationships. When you’re single, you love your girlfriends and love to go out and have a good time. But you have deep-seated issues that cause you to seek out relationships with men who don’t treat you well. You’re smart enough to recognize that you shouldn’t be in those relationships but too fucked up to leave, so you cling to them desperately, and eventually, you turn on your friends because you’re so ashamed of your own behavior you can’t stand to have it pointed out to you. You descend deeper and deeper into codependancy and are ultimately swallowed up altogether by your own head.

Deena: You may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but you mean no harm. All you want to do is have fun. That’s really, seriously all you want to do. But beneath your party girl exterior, you’re a very sensitive little flower. You desperately want other people to like you, and will acquiesce to just about anything in order to make that happen. You’re still able, though, to muster enough self-respect to stand up for yourself, provided you have the support of at least two of your girlfriends. You cry easily, drink too much and will settle down quickly and happily with the first man who makes an offer. He will probably be nice.

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