Last year, I got to write about one of my favorite topics: ghosts. Namely, the pursuits of single ghosts desperate to find their matching specter. My best friend and I are obsessed with ghosts, so the topic tends to come up on a pretty regular basis. Today, I realized that I have the opportunity to potentially hang out with ghosts all. the. time. All I have to do is drop a bunch of money on Poveglia, a little island on in the Venetian lagoon that sounds absolutely terrifying.
According to Gizmodo, Poveglia is the kind of place your mother always told you to stay away from.
The trouble started back in the late 19th century when Poveglia served as a checkpoint for ships going to Venice. After a pair of ships carrying plague victims arrived in 1793, the island was sealed off and turned into a quarantine zone for people with infectious diseases, a role it served for over a century. It goes without saying that many of these people died on the island during this time… It didn’t help when the place was converted into a hospital for the mentally ill in 1922. Rumor has it, the hospital was home to a number of crude lobotomies, performed by a doctor who’d been driven mad by the ghosts. He later flung himself off the bell tower.
It’s what one might call “tawdry,” perhaps even “unseemly.” That said, I really, really want to buy it from the Italian government, which is offering a 99-year lease to whichever Ghost Hunters fan is
stupid courageous enough to get down. Clearly, I am stupid enough to want to do this (though I actually hate ghost hunting shows, primarily because night vision on cameras makes everyone look like disgusting).
If I were to become the owner of this, the most haunted place in all the world (and possible competition for “beyond the wall” in Westeros), I would have to decorate it extremely well. After all, ghosts are particular about how they want their homes to look–that is why they get so angry when a new family comes in for a “fresh start” and messes it all up! I imagine my setup would consist of the following:
- DIY ectoplasm stations. What would this be, you ask? Well, in the age of pinning every inane, two-step process you can imagine, I think we can find some amazing crafts to do with goo. Glow-in-the-dark hair gel? 3-in-1 eye, lip and cheek tint, perhaps?
- Taxidermy. Make the ghosts comfortable by allowing the dead to always outnumber the living–yes, even in your living room.
- Portraits of everyone whose spirit is still hanging out. It sounds like their time there wasn’t fun, so I feel like it could be nice to throw ’em a bone and let them know you’re here to respect their memory. They will exclusively be flattering, Instagram-filtered photos that do not show their embarrassing gooeyness.
- Pandora. Ghosts love listening to new music; it helps keep them young (as does being a ghost). That said, the whole “Pandora” term might be a little touchy.
- 800-thread count floral sheets. In the event your new friends want to be floating stereotypes, it’s good to offer up some fun alternatives to the typical white, twin-bed ones.
- Cats. Cat portraits, cat pillows, actual cats. Ghosts love cats! Dogs are loud jerks to them, whereas cats are a-okay with coming off real creepy, too.
- A doorless room. It is good to give the ghosts a room nobody living is allowed to enter. Perhaps this is where their powder room should be.
- Central heating. It’s borderline impossible to keep the temperature consistent when your castlemates are ghosts, so keep in mind the utility bills will be astronomical.
What would you put in your ghost home, my lovely living friends?