photo: Shutterstock

Presidents now do not understand sex appeal. Sure, Barack Obama is living the greatest White House romance since Washington/Martha and Bill Clinton is a sax-playing sex machine, but where are the beards??? I simply cannot put my faith in a man who allows himself to be seen in a tee shirt and side parted frat boy hair. Give me a consciousness raising afro at the very least.

Here are 10 of our fearless leaders that did the hair game right.

10. Martin Van Buren 1837-1841

Martin van Buren

What he lacks in hairline he makes up for in hair earmuffs. Most people can’t get this level of volume without a teasing comb.

9. Millard Filmore 1850-1853

Millard Filmore

Business on the top, party on the sides. The nineteenth-century-chic version of the mullet.

8. James Buchanan 1857-1861

James Buchanan

Would you guess that Buchanan was the only U.S. president to remain a bachelor forever? Yes, obviously, because a woman would have made the leader of the free world brush his damn hair. He rocked sexy Alexa Chung bedhead in every official portrait AND his official bust.

7. John Adams 1797-1801

John Adams

Lately, when a man starts to bald, he generally chickens out and goes for the full Mister Clean. Intrepid men like our second president just teased out the sides to compensate.

6. Andrew Jackson 1829-1837

Andrew Jackson

Sure, he’s best known for killing people in duels, enjoying slavery, and his passing and brutal enforcement of the Indian Removal Act, but look at that coif. So lush. So buoyant. Blown back by the fear of his enemies (everyone).

5. Teddy Roosevelt 1901-1909

Teddy Roosevelt

The pince-nez, sexily ruffled hair, Ron Swanson moustache combo is ALWAYS a panty dropper. Because who else could pull off a buckskin jacket and a political legacy of basically being a cowboy superhero?

4. Rutherford B. Hayes 1877-1881

Rutherford B. Hayes

Hayes had to succeed the greatest Civil War general ever and Abe Lincoln. He did it with this killer Viking-style face fur.

3. William H. Taft 1909-1913

William H. Taft

DAT MOUSTACHE. Turned up at the corners, much like Mr. Taft turned up Latin American and Asian economies. He also sought world peace after leaving office, which is totally a thing American politicians did before WWII. And he’s so jolly.

2. Franklin Pierce 1853-1857

Franklin Pierce

Who has luscious locks like your brooding college boyfriend AND supported the Confederacy (ruining his political career)? This guy.

1. Chester A. Arthur 1881-1885

Chester Arthur

It’s tough to succeed an assassinated president. It’s even tougher to connect your moustache to your sideburns in solidarity with your unibrow Pre-politics, Mr. Arthur sported even more ambitious chops that literally touched his collar. Swooniest of swoons.

Who is so sexy you’d switch (political) teams? Tell us, it’s Presidents Day.

all presidential photos: Wikipedia.com