When I first head about pumpple – a combination of two kinds of cake and two kinds of pie – I assumed it must be the dessert of master chefs. Wedding cakes? Pah! Anyone can make a wedding cake. Only heroes can make pie-cake. Seriously. Look at this thing:
No. I was wrong. Turns out it’s totally, insanely easy.
Which is good, because my best friend’s (and sometimes man panelist!) birthday was coming up, and for months, he’s been saying all he wants is a pie cake. And I make happiness happen for people.
Look, even for me, it was very easy. I am saying that by my non-cookery standards. Now, to be fair, I imagine you can make it a lot more difficult if you do everything from scratch, but hahahahaahaha, no, I have a life. And by “a life” I mean “‘The Awful Truth’ isn’t going to watch itself, and Cary Grant is about to watch some dancing”. You know, before we start cooking, let’s all watch this together, it’s really funny:
I am deeply in love with Cary Grant.
I would bake a cake with two pies in it for him.
See how I tied that back?
Okay, so, here is how you start:
Buy two store bought pies, 5 or 6 inches wide. 6 inches is preferred, but 5 inches works as well. If you go to your local bakery or upscale grocery store, they should have some of these. I went to the Little Pie Company, which is spectacular (great sour cream and apple walnut). Pumpkin and apple were the recommended pies. However, I didn’t get to the Little Pie Company until 7 (again, I have a life), and they had sold out of pumpkin and apple pies.
So I sat down in the corner and wept uncontrollably, wailing and attempting to invoke Satan to turn back the clock by any means.
But after half an hour of that or so, they just tossed me these blackberry and cherry pies, so I decided to use them.
Because, although they are both berries, they are still different kind of pies.
Then I went to a grocery store and bought two kinds of bake-mix (traditional yellow cake, which I think is great, and devil’s food, which I guess was partly a result of all those satanic incantations earlier).
I also bought eggs. 6 of them. 3 for each cake mix. What can I say? I had faith that I wouldn’t break any. I did this because I’m brave. You also need vegetable oil and a cup of water. You can buy the vegetable oil and not worry about it. It is unbreakable. You also need a cup of water for each cake mix, but if you don’t have that, you live in a house without running water, and I think you should prioritize that over make pie-cake.
Two kinds of six inch pies
2 kinds of cake mix (and two three-inch high, nine inch wide round cake tins to put them in)
2 or 3 tins of frosting
A bowl to mix everything in.
That is all you need.
They will all look like this when you lay them out in a row. This is for those of you who are visual learners and, also, our illiterate fan base:
Now that you’ve got all the ingredients, pre-heat the oven to 350.
Mix together the first kind of cake mix. If you have two bowls, you can mix both!
Have two bowls. Just be the kind of person who has two bowls. You know what kind of person that is. The $9.99 for the second bowl is worth it. Mix the second kind of cake mix.
It’s pretty easy. You just follow the instructions on the back of the box that call for three eggs, a 1/3 cup of vegetable oil and a cup of water. Boom! Mixing!
By the time you’re finished mixing the two separate cake mixes (it will take maybe 15 minutes to do both) the oven should be pre-heated to 350 degrees.
Grease the cake-pan. I completely forgot to do that. It still worked, but I don’t think it’s advisable.
Then pour half of one kind of mix. Then drop in a pie. It can be whichever pie you want.
I decided to put the blackberry pie with the devil’s food cake and the cherry pie with the yellow cake, but, you know, go crazy. Make the choices you want to make.
Okay, then pour the other half of the cake batter on top of the pie.
Then stick both cakes in the oven for 24 minutes.
Okay, now the cakes have baked! Take them out.
Let the cool for 15 to 20 minutes.
Then put a plate on top of one of the first cake pan. Turn it upside down so the cake drop out. I think this is easier if you grease the cake pan beforehand. If you don’t, slide a knife around the sides to help make them less stick and bang on the pan when it’s upside down over the cake like a bongo drum. That worked.
Put another plate one the bottom of the cake and flip it over. It’s this cool little two plate strategy I’ve got going. Now the cake is on a plate! That’s going to be helpful if you’re not going to eat it off your stove!
I feel like maybe I could have baked it a little bit longer, because it was still a little… batter-y? … on top of the pie. Here, you can see how they came out:
The batter seems like it firms up after letting it cool for a while longer, though, so it was okay. I iced the top of the yellow cake. And then you stack one cake on top of the other:
Okay? Out? Great, okay, then you use the frosting to ice it. Use a kind of dull knife. I’ve heard that it helps to put the cake in the fridge for a while before icing it (because otherwise it can be too crumbly) but I’ve also heard that can make the cake dry out, so I have no idea what the hell to tell you. Make your own decisions.
It did get a little crumbly when I did it without putting it in the fridge first, though. Here, see how it was kind of weird and falling apart?
I only had two tins of frosting. I think you’d be better to have three kinds of frosting than two. Just in case it gets crumbly. Prepare better than I did, basically.
But it still came out fine. You know what makes a cake look like a professional cake? Throwing nonpareils all over that thing. It helps to get a few of those. So, I probably should have told you to get those at the begining, but, you know, you’re smart, you would have figured it out. And this is what the finished cake looked like:
And there were two pies inside it and everyone loved it and happiness was made.