Raising their credit score
Finding a way to fall asleep
Finding a way to stay asleep
Discovering old tricks
Discovering weird tricks
Discovering weird old tricks
Discovering crazy old tricks
Lowering their insurance costs
Hiding their wealth
Finding themselves unable to sleep, burdened as they are with the great and terrible knowledge of the weird tips, of the old tips, of the tips buried in a dark and distant past

Getting clear skin
Discovering one weird tip
Making their own electricity at home
Creating creaking, shambling electric servants that will never turn against them, ever
Revealing skin care secrets
Getting ready to chat live
Dealing with hatred from dentists and dermatologists because of their discoveries

Developing new purposes for acai berries
Getting ripped in ten days
Talking to other singles in your area
Waiting to talk to you
Finding new ways to whiten teeth for only pennies
Developing shocking muscle growth
Watching their own family members sob in terror as they realize that the extent of the shocking muscle growth is so great it has rendered them unrecognizable to the ones they love

Trying to get started
Meeting people for free
Meeting people for 100% free
Hooking up tonight
Talking, then flirting, and then dating other singles in the same area
Finding each other by age and zip code
Streaming live video with singles who share the same spiritual beliefs
Not letting love pass them by
Making new friends/meeting interesting people

Getting rid of their wrinkles
Slicing all of the tastebuds off of their tongue to lose weight
Admiring their flat bellies in an endless series of rotating mirrors
Holding perfectly still as they wait for the phone to ring
Turning in their human eyes in exchange for witch eyes
Discovering ancient secrets with their witch eyes

Leaving this area forever, with a chest of black discoveries and unearthed secrets, with the strength of a thousand men, with wealth beyond the dreams of alchemist-kings, racing toward the horizon

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]