If you watch any reality TV program, you have no doubt borne witness to a girlfight. Every show from “Teen Mom” to “RHNJ” to “The Real World” eventually disintegrates into a couple of bitches throwing down. Honestly, I won’t be the least bit surprised when the female hosts of Extreme Makeover Home Edition just start pummeling each other with two-by-fours.

As for me, I have been in exactly one girlfight in my life. It was in eighth grade, with a girl named Nicole who thought I stole her boyfriend (in hindsight, that’s so cliche). That said, I don’t know much about the etiquette of girlfights — me and Nicole got pulled apart before anyone was seriously injured — so I’ve learned everything I know about the necessary components of fights between ladies from all the reality TV I watch. Here’s what you need to know: