Refinery 29 recently did a list of stylist’s must have accessories for fall. Normal stuff, yes? A lot of people like ankle boots! Except for Mary Alice Stephenson who, hilariously, claimed “nothing comes between my Lanvin accessories and my new Lamborghini.

Look, we have no doubt that is true. We imagine that she is cruising the streets like the Marchesa Casati, buck naked, her gilded baubles bumping up against the steering wheel. Well and good, Mary Alice Stepehenson! Well and good! But you can’t say that in print because you sound like an entitled twit. Fortunately, she can save face with some “except” follow-ups. For example:

Nothing comes between my Lanvin accessories and my new Lamborghini except….

The grave, Spider Man-like sense of responsibilities I feel as a result of my own privileges. To those who much is given, etc. Off to put in my 17th hour at the soup kitchen today! They love how gilded and naked I am! 

A variety of proletarians waving bayonets. Shiny!

The cops. I’m a regular Bonnie and Clyde. All Bonnie, no Clyde.

Newspapers reporting on the country’s staggering unemployment rate. I sit on them, and I let the statistics brand my naked ass with their smudgy newsprint.

Fan letters from Scrooge McDuck


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