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Recently, a couple posted a timelapse video documenting the woman’s pregnancy and the birth (sort of…more on that shortly) of their baby girl.

I went into this video wanting to like it — I really did — because, you know, birth, and pregnancy and babies are beautiful and all of that. But I have to say that instead of making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, after watching it I now just feel sort of empty, and very uncomfortable.

Let’s go through it step by step, shall we?

First of all, there’s the immaculate conception segment at the beginning, in which we are led to believe that the man blew into the lady’s belly button and placed a baby inside her. So, I get that if they showed how the baby was actually made, it would be a whole different kind of video, but the breath of life thing is creepy. Why not just show a pregnancy test? Or a little outfit? Or really, anything other than the virile man-breath?

Next, there’s the growing belly, courtesy of timelapse technology. That’s all fine and dandy, and sure, the photography is nifty, although I will note (since what would any sentiment on a blog post be without at least some form of derision to temper it?) that I’ve seen enough of my friend’s week-by-week pregnancy photographs on Facebook to last me a lifetime.

Finally, there’s the immaculate birth, which I think is the part that unnerves me the most. The man comes back into the picture, rubs his hands together a la Mr. Burns, and “magically” extracts the baby from the mom’s uterus. I’m not going to delve too deeply into this from a feminist perspective, but I will say that for some reason the whole notion of glazing over the way that the baby actually entered the world makes me sad.

Babies don’t come out through magic. They are birthed. They come through vaginal canals or through incisions in abdomens. The notion that a dude rubs his hands together over a pregnant belly and poof! out comes an infant, well, it negates the birth process, and also, it kind of grossly hands over credit where credit is definitely not due. I mean, why not have the mama rub her hands over the belly? Same effect (i.e., no actual birth scene), yet somehow more accurate.

Anyway, look, I GET it. I get that this was supposed to be a cute way on introducing little Amelie Amaya into the world, and that the magic man stuff isn’t supposed to be taken literally. And I’m happy for this couple. Congratulations, by the way.

But I still sort of wish that I hadn’t watched the video.