tina belcher instagramTonight marks the holy return of one of television’s funniest and most unexpectedly heartwarming comedies, Bob’s Burgers (7:30 EST on FOX). But more importantly, it marks the end of a long winter in my soul, four months without the pubescent feminist genius of Tina Belcher. Four months without life-altering wisdom (“If you believe you’re beautiful, you will be. I did”), pondering life’s great questions (“Is it possible to be in love with 25 people at once?”), and new life mantras (“I’m a strong, smart, sensual woman.”)

If only I had access to a yearlong stream of Tina-isms. If only I could follow along with her life via a constant photo stream. If only I could just open up an app on my phone and get hit by a jolt of Tina’s particular brand of self-confidence and positivity. If only Tina Belcher had an Instagram account, it would probably go something like this…

#MCM

Jimmy-Pesto-Jr-Dancing-Gif

I’m compiling a list of people I can mate with to re-populate the earth. Oh hey, here’s a contender… #JimmyJr #MCM

#HappyFathersDay #TBT

tina bobThanks for always looking out for me dad, except for that time when you got greedy and let my childhood carousel be destroyed. #HappyFathersDay #TBT #loveyou

#Me #Selfie #Girl #HeyBoys

#me tina belcher#instagood #girl #cute #photooftheday #beautiful #picoftheday #bestoftheday #nofilter #pretty #smile #like #love #girls #instalove #beauty

#Makeover

tina makeoverMakeover? More like make-disaster. #BEYOURSELF #loveyourself

#FreetheNipple

tina baseball teamSeriously, give those babies some air. #freethenipple

#NationalSiblingsDay

tina-blindfolded-bobs-burgers-19428619-653-367Love you guys. Happy #NationalSiblingsDay

#HappyAnniversary

lindaHappy anniversary to the best parents a girl could have. Mom, way to keep the fire burning after all these years. #parents #sexy #earplugstonight

#Bae

Bobs-burgers-2#TinandJimmyforHomecoming

Let’s get this trending people. We’re the underdog love story of the century.

#MondayMotivation

tina_workoutCrossFit my butt. Keep it tight with #capoeira. #sexydancefighting #MondayMotivation

#StandwithPP

stand with ppI #StandwithPP because women’s hearts and vaginas need to be protected.