Yesterday, after assembling this gallery of celebrities who won’t let look you them in the eye, Ashley and I realized that the fact that we were still allowing people to look us in the eye was absolutely outrageous . Do you think we just like going out bestowing spiritual blessings left and right? We don’t. We fucking hate being all “spiritual blessing this” and “spiritual blessing that.”

 Unfortunately, we both realized this at the same time, so now neither one of us can look the other in the eye. It’s really tough. Frankly, we’re bumping into a lot of stuff, and Ashley can’t see because she’s covered her face with her hair, like Cousin Itt. At least I assume she has, I’m trying not to look in her direction lest she get all up in my line of vision again. Frankly, it would be easier just to make her stand against a wall.

So, as an experiment, it’s pretty terrible so far. Just be forewarned, we’ll be keeping you updated throughout the day so you can understand what it’s like to be a celebrity. So far it feels alienating.

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: Yeah, so far this is really alienating. I keep hoping Jen will maybe touch my hand or something? So I know she’s not mad at me? That’s another thing, irrational paranoia. -Ashley

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: Jennifer is trying to hand me something. It’s really hard. How do famous people live this way? I still think she’s mad at me, also. -Ashley

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: I’m so lonely. I taped a picture of a fashion model from Vogue to a stuffed mouse we have on the desk, and I’m talking to it like it’s Ashley. I feel like I’m in Lars and the Real Girl, but not as lifelike. – Jennifer

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day – I have to go to an event tonight and asked Ashley if what I am wearing is appropriate. Ashley afraid to look at me, proceeding to be useless. – Jennifer

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: It’s kind of crazy how much animosity has developed in the short span of hours Jen and I haven’t been making eye contact. Is it just me or is Jen kind of a haughty bitch? -Ashley

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: Have named stuffed mouse with taped on Vogue fashion model face ‘Sarabella.’ Asking Sarabella how she’d feel about being Deputy Editor at an online ladymag. Sarabella curious about the health benefits. – Jennifer

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: There is a chasm deepening between Jennifer and I that is filled with hate. -Ashley

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: Sarabella and I have begun gossiping about how we never liked looking at Ashley’s wild, bloodshot eyes, anyway. – Jennifer

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: Jennifer has lost her mind. Also, I despise her and yearn for connection with her equally. -Ashley

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eye’ Day: No joke, this is creating actual tension in conversation. Additionally, the notes we’re passing back and forth across our desks have become increasingly desperate. -Ashley

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: Losing my grip on what it means to be civilized, scrawling Ashley a note with a pencil clutched between my teeth. It reads “i lub u.” – Jennifer (is that still my name?)

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eye’ Day: Urgently wishing that the next time Jen hands me some document full with illegible scrawlings, her hand will accidentally touch mine and linger there. -Ashley

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: Ashley just came up and grabbed my hand while she was at the copy machine, remembering what it was like to feel human. (Spoiler: it was nice. Warm. Happy. Not like this). – Jennifer

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eye’ Day: This day is almost over and actually taught us a lesson about how much we fucking love eye contact. Next time you’re a celebrity, don’t be a complete asshole by demanding commoners never look you in the eye because it’s absolutely horrible and unsettling. For everyone. -Ashley

‘Don’t Look Me In The Eyes’ Day: I’m going to look into Ashley’s eyes because I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. God, working for Katy Perry must be the worst thing in the world. – Jennifer