The Academy Awards are a magical time. Perhaps Ricky Gervais summed up the spirit of the evening best on his blog: “It’s going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.”

Indeed! But as beloved as this awards show is the world over, you know where the worst place to be during Oscar time is? L.A. Now — don’t get me wrong. I love this cozy little town. But there are good things and bad things about every place in the world, and here are the top three reasons why you don’t want to be in the City of Angels during Oscar time:

  1. They remind you of how not-famous you are. If you live in Los Angeles and you’re most people, you’re already pretty aware of the fact that you’re not famous, don’t have access to a number of events and openings, and don’t own a $20 million home. The Oscars are kind of like an annual postcard from Awesometown, just in case you forgot that you weren’t there.
  2. They create an epic clusterfuck. Hollywood and Highland, the intersection that is home to the Kodak Theater, is smack in the middle of Los Angeles. To accommodate the show, the streets are closed the day of the Oscars, and Hollywood Blvd. itself is closed in the days leading up to it. The traffic caused by this massive shutdown essentially means that you’re confined to one side of town or the other.
  3. Listening to actors-about-town talk about the big moment for their craft. The reality is that 99% of actors in Los Angeles are never going to make it to the Academy Awards. But that doesn’t stop all of them from providing their expert opinion about the nominated films to anyone who will listen! All you have to do is stand in line at a Starbucks to hear what the guy who once played an extra on ER (everyone was a fucking extra on ER) thinks about the cinematography of “Black Swan.”