Enjoy the douchiness of Axe body spray ads, but disappointed that they seem to be getting a little too self-aware? You’re in luck! A new Playboy-branded shower gel has stepped in to fill the hole (SO TO SPEAK! Huh, huh) with an ad that’s as un-ironic as it is sexist.

The ad starts off with the not-at-all played out scenario of two attractive strangers alone in an elevator together. One of them, the guy, is supposed to be “you.” “You want to spice things up,” so you ask if she’d like to come over and watch Downton Abbey sometime pull the emergency brake, trapping her in there with you. Because this is the Playboy universe, she “finds you bold and sexy,” and a series of extremely fulfilling scenarios play out. Scenarios which insinuate:

-Dudes want to have vaguely incestuous threesomes with twins.

-Dudes want to have doubly incestuous orgies with quadruplets.

-Dudes are mainly attracted to 21-23-year-old girls.

-Dudes don’t want relationships.

-Dudes like hotdogs.

-Dudes want to be like Hugh Hefner.

Are you sure you don’t want to throw in something about how women shouldn’t talk and can’t drive, Playboy ad geniuses? (AMIRITE, FELLAS?)

Personally, if a man pulled the emergency brake on me, I’d probably treat him to a “bold and sexy” blast of pepper spray and maybe some hysterical fear-crying, because that is something a rapist would do. Then again, I guess I’m not in their target demographic of male virgins who’ve never seen a boob IRL and smell like puberty, and who still think Playboy is cool.

(Via Buzzfeed)