Got a working uterus? Think you know who you’re voting for? Well, you might want to think again, because a super scientific new study suggests that the way in which your monthly time matches up with election time might cause you to change your mind altogether. Women! Whose idea was it to give us the vote, anyway?

A study recently performed by the University of Texas at San Antonio suggests that ovulation affects (straight?) women’s political preferences, and that it does so differently depending on whether or not said women are currently in committed relationships. Apparently, the single women leaned a little extra towards Obama when ovulating, while the coupled women’s ovarian rumblings caused them to lean towards Romney.

But wait, it gets dumber! Here’s how the researchers attempted to explain it:

When women are ovulating, they “feel sexier,” and therefore lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality. Married women have the same hormones firing, but tend to take the opposite viewpoint on these issues, she says.

“I think they’re overcompensating for the increase of the hormones motivating them to have sex with other men,” she said. It’s a way of convincing themselves that they’re not the type to give in to such sexual urges, she said.

Durante’s previous research found that women’s ovulation cycles also influence their shopping habits, buying sexier clothes during their most fertile phase.

“We still have the ovulatory hormones that have the same impact on female brains as across other species,” she said. We want sex and we want it with the best mate we can get. “But there are some high costs that come with it,” she said, particularly for women who are already in committed relationships.

Let me get this straight. Getting the evolutionary urge to reproduce with the best male possible while single will make you want to extend abortion and marriage rights to all, while having the urge to reproduce with the best male possible while in a relationship will make you want to “overcompensate” by making sure no one is allowed to abort the babies of all those virile males. Wait, what?

This goes without saying, but this study makes about as much sense as a poor, gay, female Republican. Sure, our menstrual cycles might make us emotional and/or hungry for weird snacks, but that’s not going to change a thinking person’s reasons for voting for one candidate or another. I am not going to stop believing in the right to choose just because my uterus is wandering up to my brain and making me hysterical shedding its lining, and Ann Coulter is not going to magically become a person because she’s feeling verklempt for no reason. (I’m not convinced she is ever verklempt, but go with it.)

That said, if this study does turn out to be right, all a candidate need do to win the presidency is figure out how to harness the power of the moon to cause the greatest number of single and/or married women (whichever is applicable) to ovulate all at once. Paging Newt Gingrich!

UPDATE: The article has since been removed because “after further review it was determined that some elements of the story did not meet the editorial standards of CNN.” Yay?

(Via CNN)