(Clip source: YouTube)

One of my most favorite pastimes is sitting in front of my TV and watching hours upon hours of Say Yes to the Dress. You’d think vegging out and watching mindless television would be a great stress reliever, but honestly, nothing makes my blood pressure skyrocket faster than witnessing the shenanigans that take place in Kleinfeld Bridal. Whether it’s an overly opinionated entourage or a bride who hates everything, there’s always something going on that’s enough to make you scream at the television.

The following are 27 things I have yelled while watching Say Yes to the Dress. 

1. “OK, this appointment is going nowhere. Go get Randy. YOU NEED TO GET RANDY.”

2. “Your mother is WRONG. You look amazing in that dress. Say yes to that dress!”

3. “Why must you always design see-through wedding dresses, Pnina? Why? Why?

4. “Did you really just bring 12 people to this appointment?! Are you Mariah Carey? The size of your entourage is EMBARRASSING.”

5. “Your wedding is five weeks away and you’re pissed that you have to buy off the rack?! Have you never seen even a single episode of the show you’re currently on?”

6. “OK, so you don’t like ballgowns, A-lines, empire waists, lace, sparkle, tulle, satin, or mermaids… WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING AT THIS APPOINTMENT.”

7. “That dress needs Jesus. Or Vera.”

8. “NO. No. That dress looks like 1993 just threw up all over it. No.”

9. “Oh my God, your best friend is SUCH a Regina George!”

10. “Let me get this straight: You and you sister are getting married two months apart, so you want to SHARE ONE WEDDING DRESS?! This sounds like a recipe for a piping hot SHIT SHOW.”

11. “Why did you bring your family if your family is full of insane assholes with big mouths and horrible opinions? Why?!

12. “Oh my God, the girls are about to tumble right out of that dress. Yup, there they go. Tumbling right over the top of that corset.”

13. “You’ve already tried on how many dresses? Seventy-five?! Just pick one already!”

14. “Your friends are terrible. All of your friends are terrible.”

15. “Girl, get yourself TOGETHER! You are a ‘plus-size bride’ AND a beautiful woman! Those two things are not mutually exclusive! Your body looks amazing as is! STOP CRYING!”

16. “You JUST said that the Lazaro dress is going to bankrupt you! PUT IT DOWN. WALK AWAY.”

17. “I know your sister thinks she’s the ‘fashionista’ of the family, but the woman is wearing a sunhat indoors. She is not to be trusted!”

18. “Your budget is $15,000 and yet you’re buying the world’s cheapest looking wedding dress. Is anybody else seeing this?”

19. “Oh, honey, no. Please do not get married at the age of 19.”

20. “You just called your father ‘Daddy’ in a whiny voice and I am suddenly SO UNCOMFORTABLE.”

21. “Why would you bring your fiance to your appointment? Have you no respect for time-honored tradition?!”


23. “OK, seriously, where in the hell is Randy?”

24. “Step away from the ballgown with the pick-ups in the skirt! That shit has not been OK since Belle did it in 1991!”

25. “That mother-in-law is DERAILING this appointment. She is DERAILING it.”

26. “Joan, this woman is a VETERAN. She is a VETERAN and A SINGLE MOM and she saves puppies from HIGH-KILL SHELTERS. Figure out a way to make her dream dress fit her budget!”