Facebook: The mighty jungle of the internet. Full of strange and fascinating creatures, this Book of Face contains a veritable wealth of knowledge about commonly found internet personalities. The folks over at The Frisky have discovered through much diligent research and careful wall analysis the existence of nine spectacular Facebook specimens. We here at Team Gloss have continued The Frisky’s excellent work, and behold! We have discovered what we believe to be six additional specimens! We present our findings here:

Location, Location, Location

Your wall consists of: Up-to-date information about where you are, when you are, posted in real time. Constantly.

You are: Suffering from separation anxiety. You want everyone to know where you are, at all times, regardless as to whether you’re actually trying to connect in person with someone. Maybe it’s so someone will always know where you are, in the event that you decide to go off and get your arm trapped beneath a boulder?

Pretentious Movie Buff

Your wall consists of: Ratings and reviews of every movie you’ve ever seen. And nothing else.

You are: A film student. Or you may as well be. No one ever wants to watch movies with you, so you broadcast your every thought about the things you watch here. Direct counterpart to The Music Snob.

Someone’s Mom

Your wall consists of: Status updates you’ve accidentally posted to your wall. messages you intended to post to your kids’ walls but accidentally posted to your wall; private messages to your kids you’ve accidentally posted to your wall… in fact, pretty much everything on your wall are things you intended to post somewhere else, but you couldn’t figure out how to do it. Also, you sign your name at the end of every post.

You are: Definitely not a new mom. One of the older set, you are actually trying to make the effort to roll with the times, which is largely commendable, if frequently embarrassing for your children. Now if only you could figure out these “interwebs” things the kids keep talking about…

Original Facebooker

Your wall consists of: the bare minimum. Whatever information is there is up to date, there’s just… not much of it.

You are: Not to be confused with the Too Cool for Facebook Facebooker, you were on Facebook when it was only available at a few select universities (yours, of course), and when it was exactly what it said it was: A book (well, site) of faces. There was no wall. No apps. No Farmville. Accordingly, you keep your wall as bare as possible to acknowledge your elite status.

The Enigma

Your wall consists of: a picture of a well-known person or cartoon character who is not you and a name that may or may not be your own.

You are: On the run from the Feds.