Jennifer “Footless” Lopez
The Case Of The Missing Feet

Gah! I was all set to go to town on my “YES! This is how to wear the menswear trend!” post when my thoughts (and my cocktail) were interrupted with news of this devastating 911 call. Take a look at the transcription. Warning: this is not for the easily disturbed. Read accordingly.

Emergency Dispatcher: “911, what’s your emergency?”

J. Lo: “My feet!”

ED: “What about your feet, ma’am?”

J. Lo: “They’re missing!”

ED: “They’re missing, ma’am? I’m not sure I understand. What is your location?”

J. Lo: “At some dumb-ass press event with an advertisement for anit-perspirant behind me. Come quick – someone has stolen my feet!”

ED: “This is all very odd, ma’am. I want you to know that.”

J. Lo: “Yes, sir. I know. I just want my little piggies back.” *sniff, sniff, snort*

So please, anyone who has seen (or stolen) J. Lo’s hooves, please return them to her immediately. Many thanks.

Thanks E