You can have your effete Brad Pitts, your dark and tortured Javier Bardems (…OK, I’d fuck Javier Bardem too), your childlike-with-wonderment James Franco.
My celebrity crush is Rahm Emanuel. Here’s why:
- He’s one powerful Jew. (I’m a Jew too. Stop judging.)
- He just told an appellate court to go fuck themselves without having to say a word.
- He roasted Stephen Colbert.
- He shovels snow for old ladies.
- “I sometimes joke, Paula, even paranoid people have enemies.” — to news anchor Paula Zahn, in 2004, as if he were speaking directly to me
- LOOK AT THIS GUY. He brought in Andy Samberg — who impersonates him on SNL — to campaign with him.
- He doesn’t give a fuck what you think, because he’s Rahm Emanuel.
- No, seriously. He’s one powerful Jew.