I really wonder how people knew things before there were internet studies. It’s sort of like how I didn’t know anything about sex until I started taking Cosmo quizzes. Today’s study that explains everything comes via Shoprunner.com, which describes itself as “a members-only online shopping service that offers savvy consumers free shipping, free returns and exclusive deals.” They asked their members to name the worst Valentine’s Day gift they’d ever gotten. The winners (losers?), in order:

  1. A scale or “weight loss item” (Hmmm, that sounds familiar)
  2. Nothing
  3. Counterfeit gold necklace
  4. Artificial flowers
  5. Cheap teddy bear

Get that, everyone? The ladies don’t want counterfeit things or cheap things, they want real and expensive things! Like, a gold necklace that wasn’t made by a moonshiner in his basement. Or a teddy bear that is plated in gold. And gold flowers, while we’re at it! Gold! Things! Stuff! Buy buy buy more more more!