Let me start by saying, God help me if my own mother reads this post. Mom: you’re coming with me. DON’T PANIC.

That aside, I seem to have divergent feelings about this topic than one Oscar de la Renta, who told a room full of brides on the “Martha Stewart Show” to leave their moms at home. According to New York Magazine:

“Don’t bring your mother,” he told the crowd of brides-to-be in the audience. “The idea of the mother and the idea of the girl are two different things!”

I find this surprising for a few reasons, and let me just be clear that my surprise comes despite the fact that my mother and I have completely different taste in clothes, and a history of explosive fights in dressing rooms that date back to my pre-adolescence.

But I wouldn’t dream of shutting my mother out of wedding dress shopping. Because let’s be real: bringing your mom shopping for a big event like a wedding is not really so much about getting her opinion, as it is about the fact that it’s nice if you can reconnect with your family in a meaningful way during important times in your life (or just stay connected with them, if you happen to see them all the time anyway. I don’t.)

Not to mention the fact that if you’re getting married, you should be individuated enough to be able to tell your mother when she’s overstepping her bounds, and to take her opinion with as many grains of salt as you want or don’t want.

Because, honestly? If you can’t bring your mother along with you because you can’t stand up to her, good luck finding your voice in your marriage.