I know that you woke up this morning and thought “I should snort all the bath salts.” But I would like to say “no.” No, because you will kill a goat and the blood will get everywhere! Even over your bra and panties.

How do I know this? Because stuff went down. Stuff went down with 19 year old Mark Thompson. According to the Charleston Gazette:

Police say an Alum Creek man high on bath salts killed his neighbor’s pygmy goat and that neighbors found him in his bedroom, dressed in a bra and panties, next to the dead animal.

But there’s more! It all began when the neighbor’s nephew got a call about her wildly meandering goat.

“They told him that my goat was wandering around in Mark’s house and he’d better come and get it,” Lisa Powers said. “They called my nephew because he’d been there before.” … The three entered the house and made their way to Thompson’s bedroom door when Thompson spoke to them, Powers said. “He told them, ‘Don’t come in, I’m naked,'” Powers said. “But they opened the door and he was standing there with his pants down. He had on women’s clothing and the goat was dead and there was blood everywhere. It was just a scene….There was a pornographic magazine photo laying a few feet from the goat, the complaint states.”

Thompson claimed he’d been high on bath salts for three days.

In conclusion: This is your goat.

This is your goat on bath salts:

Your goat dies on bath salts.