Don’t you hate how everything in your life has a liberal agenda? I mean, just yesterday I was filling up my car’s tank when the car started yelling at me to choose unleaded, because diesel fuel is bad and causes cancer or something. My car should not be allowed to weigh in on health care in this country! It doesn’t even pay taxes!

Anyway, rather than let evil liberal-minded email platforms continue to run amok, Michael Reagan (son of Ronald “Best President Ever OMG!!1!” Reagan) has created an email system just for conservatives. If you’re willing to pay $34.95 a year (yay free market!) you can get your very own “” email address. Those evil liberal sites like Gmail and Yahoo may be free with purchase of the internet, but that’s because they secretly use their systems to warp your brain and make you love socialism. No, seriously. I looked it up.

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