You know, I’ve always been against the resurgence of the mustache. In its rebirth, it has never been serious, never manly, like it was back in the ’70s. It has only been ridiculous, an embarrassment to our generation.

But as evidenced by the faces of men from Brooklyn to Silver Lake, my wishes to see the mustache not reappear have not been taken seriously, and the ‘stache is now a prominent accessory on many a male upper lip. I can admit defeat, and I have, but I’d like to present just one more piece of evidence that the mustache is a bad idea, and makes 99 out of 100 men look like a child molester.

See: Zac Efron, in image at left.

For the last time, gentlemen: there was only one Burt Reynolds. You are not him. And also, he doesn’t care about your stupid irony, and if he ever saw you sporting his look with your ridiculous hipster smirk underneath it, he would punch that mustache right off your face, and then you would be in too much pain to still look ironic.

I’m just sorry that hasn’t happened to anyone yet.