Oh gosh. This has been a great year, but not necessarily for celebrity fashion. I think my colleagues and I uniquely have jobs that expose us to celebrity fashion fails more regularly than the average person, and I think I speak for all of us when I say it’s a privilege and honor.
Of course, compiling this list was a huge challenge, since 2013 gave us the year of Miley Cyrus in high cut leotards, cutouts, neon, and more godforsaken peplums. At least two celebrities appear on the list twice, because I simply couldn’t make a decision.
While I feel badly snarking on non-famous women who dress poorly (ahem, I’ve been known to make some mistakes), I really struggle to find any sympathy for these celebrities who have teams of people working to make them look beautiful. Then, of course, I wonder what happened on the following occasions–did stylists just fall down on the job? Did their celebrity clients go rogue? We’ll never know, but we can at least enjoy the fall out.
15. Lindsay Lohan at Jingle Ball
I want to like this because I want the best for her, but I can’t figure out what possessed her to wear her fanciest boots and ugliest sleep-shirt.
14. Rihanna at the Chanel Haute Couture Show
What the shit is this? A floor length cardigan and nothing else? No seriously, what is this?
13. Kristen Stewart as the new face of Chanel
12. The Entire Kardashian Family in their Kristmas Kard
This whole thing was a freaking nightmare. Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, and Khloe Kardashian Odom all looked whatever, but it was really Kris Jenner, Kylie Jenner, and Kendall Jenner really stole the show. However, nobody, and I mean nobody, came even close to reaching the catastrophic levels of poor Bruce Jenner.
11. Kat Von D at her book signing
Oh wow. That zipper just goes all the way down, doesn’t it?
10. Madonna at the Billboard Music Awards
I think it’s the demure center part that makes this poetry.
9. Miley Cyrus at the IHeartRadio Music Festival
Of all the components here–the mesh dress, the the black pasties, the strappy fake turtleneck catastrophe–the worst thing has to be the furry arms. Right?
8. Ke$ha at the American Music Awards
Meghan coined the term “janties” in reference to these jean panties, which are a visual assault that’s almost unparalleled in the denim bottom-wear world. Are those plastic beads on the fringe? Like the crap I used to craft with as a child?
7. Kristen Stewart at the Met Gala
Oh gosh. Where to begin? As Ashley noted when we first covered this nightmare, we’re working with “two solid feet of deep camel toe.” It looks like she has a fan in her pelvis region à la a sumo suit which keeps the labia puffed out.
6. Kaley Cuoco at the Spike TV Guy’s Choice Awards
When did Kaley Cuoco have time to rob a life-size Barbie’s closet and stick her head into a leaf blower?
I’m seriously going to need help making sense of all this. Really.
4. Miley Cyrus at the Launch of the new Myspace (yeah, Myspace)
It was really hard to narrow down Cyrus’ worst looks for obvious reasons, but these baggy two-tone jeans AND pointy pumps are insult and injury.
3. Maggie Gyllenhaal, premiere of White House Down
Help. Help me. This is a crocheted peplum. It looks like a blanket your great grandmother made to passive aggressively give to someone she hated, because dying and haunting their home simply isn’t vindictive enough.
2. Elizabeth Banks, the Met Gala
And the number one Fashion Disaster of all of 2013?
1. It has to be Justin Bieber, literally always.
Bieber is the front runner in the world competition for Fashion Disaster Daily, but I think these Zubaz-like sweats have to be the worst offender. Or are they?