So, anyone familiar with The Gloss‘ fashion coverage knows our opinion of music awards show red carpets: they are uniformly the worst.
…The thing about last night’s 2013 Billboard Music Awards? They were a different dimension of the worst. Every look was a jumble of ill-conceived ideas and bad planning.
Get ready for a few glorious pages of horrible to sublimely ridiculous red carpet moments, all in one place. Happy Monday!
Alyssa Milano. This has about 300 problems with it.
Andy Allo‘s dress was remarkably ugly.
Audrina Patridge, still fighting for that last shred of relevance, wore a girly leather skirt and a hollow look.
Carly Rae Jepson is dressed perfectly for an evening of Twilight-inspired erotica.
Celine Dion looked like a pleasure model of C3-P0.
Normally we are very pro-Chloe Moretz; this is too busy.
While we think the polka dots on sheer panels is really dated, we also think Emmy Rossum looks incredibly glamorous and her makeup is perfect.
Too bad she is very much overdressed for the Billboard Music Awards.
Hayden Panettiere went sophisticated in a frilly black column.
Oh, dear. Jennifer Lopez.
Jennifer Morrison. So it was just a naked night for everyone?
Jenny McCarthy. This probably deserves its own Fashion Disasters post.
Kelly Rowland. Everyone appeared to be wearing very ill-fitting clothes last night!
Ke$ha got a few things right–great shoes, decent makeup, not too much jewelry–and a few things very wrong–that side slit and, oh, that dreadful fake tan!
Madonna must have had a lot of fun at the Met Gala!
Miley Cyrus was equal parts hilarious and awesome.
Yup, still confident in that assessment.
Nicki Minaj. Again, not a single dress seemed to fit.
Orianthi. This is how Chad Kroeger from Nickelback dresses.
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. Also, Avril Lavigne looks ridiculous.
Selena Gomez. This is absurd.
Shania Twain makes the Best Dressed list by virtue of 1) her dress fitting 2) her dress being a nice color and 3) looking generally clean and together.
Taylor Swift. Purple cheese whiz.
She performed in a unicorn shirt, fyi. Does that mean she’s self-aware?
Tracy Morgan and Megan Wollover. Baby in there!
Z LaLa is not Lady Gaga but expects to get some of that sweet, sweet attention between Gaga albums.
Nayer wore a hood for modesty! And brought a dog.
(All photos via Getty)