Ever noticed how so many of the outfits/uniforms worn in the Winter Olympics look like…well…sperm? Something about the thin, streamlined Spandex outfits combined with the very necessary helmets in many winter sports put me in mind of nothing so much as the articles of conception.

Call me crazy, but before you do, take a look at some of the athletic garb worn during the Sochi games and tell me you don’t see it.


1. Alexey Poltoranin of Kazakhstan doing cross country skiing with a condom-y hat.


2. Felix Loch of Germany is lugeing right along with his big old white helmet. AHEM.


3. Olga Graf (of wardrobe malfunction fame) speed skating. Tell me you see it. I KNOW YOU SEE IT.


4. Ben Sandford of New Zealand, competing in skeleton and coming straight for your uterus.


5. Magdalena Gwizdon of Poland, is intrepid during the mixed relay. It’s the white hat that really does it here.


6. Skeleton has some of the spermiest outfits around! Here’s Dominic Parsons of the UK.


7. Short track speed skaters Freek van der Wart of the Netherlands, Viktor Knoch of Hungary and Dajing Wu of China look super intrepid…and like sperm.

Shiva Keshavan-luge

8. Shiva Keshavan (who is an independent Olympic competitor? I didn’t even know that was a thing?) luges it up, looking very….streamlined.


9. I think there is enough said with this picture of the (Korean) bobsled.


10. LOL LOL LOL I can’t stop laughing. Gold medalists Magnus Hovdal Moan, Haavard Klemetsen, Magnus Krog and Joergen Graabak of Norway are doing god knows what after the Nordic Combined Men’s Team 4 x 5 km.

My silly observation is of course not meant to impugn the Games, the sports, or any of the athletes themselves. Sperm outfits forever!

Photos: Getty Images