So you hate Halloween, but feel pressured to get yourself into a couple’s Halloween costume. Couple’s Halloween costumes can be a high stress affair–they’re expensive and fussy and seem like a lot of work when you could just get drunk in your pajamas at home like any other self-respecting person with a problem. I’ve seen couples get into fights over what they’ll wear, and they always end up as Bonnie and Clyde or something equally unimaginative.
Hoping to spare you that nightmare, we’ve rounded up 8 couples costumes that won’t make you want to jump off a cliche cliff. These bad boys range from topical and timely to nostalgic, and there’s something for everyone. As far as we’re concerned, all of these are gender-neutral and can be worn by couples of the sexing kind or friends who don’t want to face the costumed hoards alone.
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Janis and Damien
I never get tired of Mean Girls. Hit up the least classy suit rental business in town and you should be golden. Don’t forget the ruffled shirts. Don’t you dare.
The Isabella Stewart Gardner Art Heist
If you want to make sure that everyone knows that you’re better than them, you should consider an art-world costume. If you want to be timely, go ahead and dress up as 1990’s Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum art heist, where thieves dressed as Boston Police Officers made off with pieces by Rembrandt, Vermeer, Flinck, Degas, and Manet. Have one member of the couple walk around with an ornate frame around his/her head, while the other wears a cop uniform (extra points if you can make this sexy).
Will and Carlton
Again, this feels pretty timely. But I basically cannot get enough of Will and Carlton, almost 20 years later. It’s imperative that you learn the dance moves. Hit up your local Goodwill for a loud sweater (Carlton) and brightly colored windbreaker (Will).
Wendy Davis and Leticia Van De Putte
The future is looking bright for the heroes of the great Texas Abortion Filibuster, with Davis announcing a gubernatorial run and Van De Putte considering joining Davis on the ticket as a candidate for lieutenant governor. Honoring these badasses with costumes couldn’t be easier: these are women who know how to rock the power suit. If you’re the Davis of this pairing, don’t forget the pink running shoes.
Also this, forever:
Enid & Rebecca
As we saw, the government shutdown was good for one thing and one thing only: masturbation. If you were a government employee effected by the shutdown, you were entitled to a free vibrator to fill up all that time on your hands. If you want to be authentic, wear pale pink from head to toe and add an on/off switch. Placement is your choice. Your partner should wear an Abraham Lincoln costume and hang a closed sign around his/her neck.
Open Communication & Consent
Costume items that convey open communication tend more towards props, so I’d go with a megaphone, bullhorn, or two tin cans tied together with string. The Consent partner can wear a shirt that says “No Means No” or “Ask Me About My Boundaries.” Yay for consent!
Sexy Walter and Jesse
This brilliant idea came from my coworker Caitlin, who plans to wear tighty whities and a button down this year. How about adding a sexy Jesse as well? Only requirement is a beanie or a gas mask.
Photos: Getty Images, Shutterstock, Mean Girls, Ghost World, Tumblr, Breaking Bad