abominable-snowman

You’ll look like this, but ready for the club.

The Abominable Snowman may be an ape-like cryptid of legend, but you can become an Abominable Snow-diva with the right clothes and accessories. These totally impractical and somewhat hideous versions of winter-wear will make you look like a snow-sasquatch who loves to look sexy as you scare everyone from Nepal to your favorite hometown dive-bar.

Wheeler Springs Sweater- White like a snowman, cozy enough and complete with flappy drapey bits reminiscent of the abominable snowman’s labia. 

$19.98 via Hollister

Shaggy Faux Fur Vest- You may associate these with Rachel Zoe and the Bling Ring (2013), but you should associate them with the abominable snowman who was the first to make these a luxurious staple. faux fur vest

$44.95 via American Eagle

Otsana Faux-Fur Cowl– Drape this around your neck and it will look like the pelt of a fresh kill. The abominable snow diva is ruthless and luxe. fur cowl

$78 via Anthropologie

Bear a Resemblance Earmuffs- Keep your ears toasty and look like a cutesy-tootsie fearsome creature with help from Modcloth. bear earmuffs

$14.99 via Modcloth

Love From Australia Zip Tall Wedge Boots- Uggs are infamous for not being cute, so why not try to sex them up with a wedge? Oh, because that’s abominable. 

$250.46 via ASOS

Teddy Fur Pea Coat- I actually think this one is cute, but once it’s covered in blood and mud from your snowman attacks, it will look abominable. The teddy bear fur looks a lot like real yeti-fur, but no yetis were harmed in the making of this coat. 

$158 via TopShop

Cable Mohair Pants- These sure look cozy which is what you need when you’re out in the cold menacing villagers. Paired wiht the rest of the items on this list, they’ll look positively terrifying. The etsy seller calls them “fetish” pants, so they’ll surely arouse some yeti-fetishists. 

$245 via Etsy

Ice Monster Fuzzy Fleece Mittens- Perhaps these aren’t so subtle, but they really will get the point across that you are a fashion-yeti. They’re ironic, right?monster gloves

$19.99 via Amazon

Go forth, be the best dressed abominable snow-bitch at that nightclub.