I think one of the funnier myths about women that the fashion industry often perpetuates is how much we love to be sexy. I, for one, own quite a bit of black lace and certainly some nice thigh-high tights, but lingerie companies would have you believe that women just lounge around, crossing our sheerly-covered legs as we bake cookies for the men who obviously support us financially (ha, jobs!). One such company is Agent Provocateur lingerie, whose Valentine’s Day commercial starring Poppy Delevingne is awkward, hilarious and stupid — all at the same time! Which makes it incredibly similar to actual Valentine’s Day, I suppose.

In it, a woman who has never brushed her hair bakes in strappy black underwear, seemingly preparing for a Valentine’s Day date with, in all likelihood, a very conservative nudist. Just for the record: do not ever, ever bake without clothes on, you guys. There’s about a million terrible things that can happen when you bake or cook in any way with no clothes on and just some dangly lace. Anyway, once she hears the sound of meowing outside, she gets locked out and has an exchange worthy of a SAG award. Or tears! See for yourself:

Okay, so not only did they use the absolute most tired pun in the English language — get it, LIKE A VAGINA? — but it’s just uncomfortably slow and — not that I always need a neat resolution or anything — but the, uhm, story feels a little… well, unresolved. Or just stupid, either way. Questions I want answered:

  • Does she make it back inside?
  • Does she find her cat?
  • Did a ghost close the door?
  • Did her pussy close the door?
  • Does her house burn down because she left the oven on?
  • Is her cat an arsonist? Did he plan the whole thing?
  • Does she even have a cat?

Still via Agent Provocateur/Stylelite & GIF via Sabrina.