Alessandra Ambrosio meditates on the beach in St Barths

“Conspicuous consumptionnnnnn.”

If you like planned obsolescence, the deeply unnecessary and denim cutoffs, have we got a celebrity fashion line for you: meet Alé by Alessandra, the “lifestyle fashion brand” from Victoria’s Secret beauty Alessandra Ambrosio that absolutely no one in the world needed.

WWD describes the aesthetic as “Brazil-meets-Malibu-by-way-of-Europe style,” further indicating that it will be valuable to no one. WWD also reports the collection will be collaboration with Cherokee–the Target brand, we wondered? We’ll get back to you.

Before anyone thinks we’re just being dickish for the sake of it*, we’ll admit we actually like Alessandra Ambrosio–we once eavesdropped on her at Chelsea Piers during Fashion Week, when a young model approached her and, starstruck, asked for advice; Ambrosio was extremely warm and nice and talked to her for a good twenty minutes–but we have every reason to be dickish about celebrities with no design experience rolling out some shitty collection of brainlessly trendy H&M-quality clothes made by slave labor in grim Chinese sweatshops, every single piece of which will meet an unhappy end in a landfill.

…Unless Ambrosio’s publicists can convince us the girl trained on Savile Row or something, we’re going to mark this one under “hubris and opportunism” and hope that it only lasts a few short ill-advised seasons.

(Photo depicts Ambrosio posing for Victoria’s Secret on the beach in St Barths but also achieving enlightenment via Wenn)

*Not an unreasonable assumption, however.