Look, I’m not generally in the business of getting irrationally angry at inanimate objects, but I hate freakin’ pineapples. I hate the texture, I hate how, when someone adds them to a fruit salad, they make the entire fruit salad taste like pineapple, and I hate that, if I’m forced to accidentally brush up against one while trying to shop in the produce section at Trader Joe’s, it’s basically the equivalent of getting stabbed repeatedly by a tropical serial killer. Also, as our Managing Editor Jillian pointed out to me, English is the only language in which a pineapple is called a pineapple—in every other language, it’s called “ananas.” That just really gets me steamed.
And you know what else? I really hate that pineapples (well, the print, maybe not the actual fruit) are some big new fashion trend. They’re popping up on dresses, shoes, cell phone cases, EVERYTHING. There’s nothing trendy about a pineapple. I am not curious about the pineapple. I don’t want to wear the pineapple on my person. Just…no.
But I’m not going to be one of those people who expresses her fashion rage without offering up any alternatives, because that would just be silly and Internet troll-y, and no one wants that. Here are 13 other all-over fruit printed clothes to consider, instead of the freakin’ pineapple:
These are adorable and I don’t even care that they would make me look like a five-year-old from the ankle down.
This style of shorts has been pretty big since last summer, and I can almost guarantee that you’ve seen one style blogger or another wearing them in your day. But these lemon printed ones? Adorable and refreshing!
If you want to try to the fruit trend without overtly ~*trying the fruit trend*~, this banana leaf option is perfect.
Or, you know, you could just own it and go BaNanAs.
This one might seem weird at first glance, but keep looking at it. It’s like an amazing painting. Trust me, it’ll grow on you.
So many cherry-printed pieces have a retro, ’60s feel to them, and I like that this dress is more modern.
Like I said, who doesn’t love a good banana? Also, fun fact of the day: Bananas are actually berries.
From far away they just look like tiny dots, but if you get up close and personal with them, you can see that the dots are actually little apples and THEY’RE SO CUTE.
I’m trying to supplement your entire wardrobe here, so I couldn’t pass up these watermelon sneaks.
I have no idea what kind of green fruit looks like that, but they’re not pineapples, so I’m down.
Are they oranges? Are they grapefruits? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.
Those apples look like strawberries. But you know what they don’t look like? Pineapples. Because f**k pineapples.